Sunday, December 13, 2009

My name is Toulouse Lautrec...

My name is Toulouse Lautrec...

There once was a place called montmartre
To lautrec it seemed just like Chartres
La goulue was his muse
But poor old Toulouse
To absinthe he was finally martyred


There was a man called TL
Who thought he could paint just as well
as that chap called Monet
who daubed stacks of hay
but his versions were ugly as hell


There once was a man called Lautrek

Who thought he might like to be Shrek

But he was bearded and tiny

Not big green and shiny

So he became an artist instek


There once was painter called T'louse

Who had to wear el'vator shoes

By night he would party

With girls who were tarty

And later fell victim to booze


There once was a man named Toulouse

This joke is just begging a goose,

a horse, or a priest;

a rabbi at least

No wonder this style's in disuse

--Amanda Nash


Of all the things I'm sposed to do today and all the ways I could become distracted, for some reason these Lautrec limericks are calling to me the loudest. I have to keep slapping my hand to go back to work.

Can I do a haiku (so much easier)?

Henri the Teapot

Reknowned in red light district

How many teacups?

there once was a man who made ott

and was short as a mystery plot

but in one way he was

larger than peach fuzz

and the prostitutes called him "Teapot"

--Jed Hershon

There once was a short man Henri de

Who hung out with the girls, si, si

He got them in bed

But they couldn't find his head

And so he made art instead...

There once was a man called Lautrec

Who genetically speaking was a wreck

His parents were cousins

He saw prostitutes by the dozens

and he died at a very young age

--Matt Monahan


Matt Monahan at 3:40pm May 11

I think its really supposed to be AABBA

Marguerite Vigliante at 3:48pm May 11

Yes, AABBA. You could have made the last line: "And he never did play with a full deck."

A short statured painter Toulouse

could hardly reach a woman's caboose

but he grabbed a big handfull

of her derrier ample

saying "Hey I have nothing Toulouse"

--Larry King

There once was a young rich dude

who hung out in a crib quite crude

didnt care about lice

or losing at dice

just as long as his schlong was well lubed

--joe maynard

There was once a short artist from France,

Who hung out with the ladies that dance.

He made lots of posters

But what he liked most-er

Was watching those young ladies prance.

--Marguerite Vigliante

I ain't brad pitt or james dean

michael jordan, brett farve or ice t

but what I got in my pants

makes all the girls dance

cuz my parents are rich as can be

--Joe Maynard

there once was a man named latrec
who loved his frites and bifsteks
he ate them quite often
even in his coffin
while reading finnigan's wake

there once was a man named latrec

who was horny like a rabbit on crack

he screwed La Goulue

until she was through

and said next time let's just nec

--William Carney (of Les Sans Collottes)

the short dude that painted in france

got oil paint all over his pants

lap dancing was messy

"why do zee lady's all slap me?"

he said, readjusting his glasses


1 comment:

  1. I love this! My favorite artist and blogged right on my birthday!